Divorce Coaching Objectives

Coaching is goal-oriented and thought-provoking process rather than a therapeutic treatment. To be successful, a client must be willing to identify and reach their own measures of success, also known as entering the coaching zone: awareness, accountability, and autonomy. Coaching acknowledges achievements and motivates the client to act. The focus is getting organized, resourcing yourself, envisioning a future, and taking steps in your life to get there.

A coach should help you identify and accomplish very specific practical and logistical steps in order to transform your life through greater self-awareness, better decision-making, and new actions.

Differentiating Therapy from Divorce Coaching

Therapy is related to childhood, adverse experiences, family of origin issues, attachment wounds, psychology, and pathology. Think chronic depression, anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse, eating disorders, personality disorders, PTSD, compulsions, and phobias. Think mental health diagnosis. Coaches cannot ethically or skillfully address these issues.

A therapist should be able to give you a clear idea of your mental health condition, and the specific type of therapy(ies) they are using to address it. They should also be able to give you an idea of average success rates and times required to heal. A coaching client may simultaneously be experiencing mental health issues which they must address with a therapist, but coaching sessions do not approach life work from the angle of pathology.

How Divorce Coaching Compliments Therapy

Some aspects of therapy and coaching can overlap. For example, you may work with a family therapist who specializes in high-conflict family dynamics or parental alienation. You may also work with a divorce coach who can help you prepare for a mediation and practice negotiation skills surrounding custody disputes before the day you show up with your lawyer.

If mental health conditions prevent coaching, it is not appropriate to continue coaching. Fortunately, a certified divorce coach is trained to respect these boundaries and offer the client great referrals. When disruptive mental health conditions are resolved or improve to a functional phase, coaching may resume.

What Type of Divorce Help Do You Need?

Only you can answer this question accurately. Start by interviewing yourself. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How would you characterize your mental health?
  • How would you characterize your executive functioning and personal accountability?
  • What do you believe is the source of your concerns?
  • What do you believe you can change on your own with coaching?
  • What do you know you cannot change without therapy or treatment?
  • What type of help do you want?
  • Where do you want to focus your efforts?

Choosing Divorce Professionals

After you answer these questions for yourself, you should have a good idea of the type of professional support you need. If you’re still confused, interview a therapist and a coach to find out the different types of work each professional is able and allowed to do. Talk about what you’re trying to accomplish. Find out what type of support you need to make it possible. It’s highly likely that through your divorce journey, before, during, and after, you’ll need both – but not all of the time. Psychologytoday.com is a great resource to research therapists and coaches who can meet specialized needs. The CDC Certified Divorce Coach program provides a listing of certified divorce coaches who have been through it and are trained to move you through all of your divorce processes and phases. Certified coaches are especially interested in helping clients create a functional and fulfilling life beyond the life of their divorce.

You Are Not Alone Through Divorce

The good news about the terrible statistic we all know – that 50% of marriages end in divorce – is that you are not alone. You are in good company and there are many divorce professionals you can add to your team. The first step is realizing that you need help and you deserve to ask for it. There is no shame in recognizing your limitations and your potential. You have to know one to know the other. Regardless of your unsupportive past and having to fend for yourself, those days are over – and thankfully, you know it.